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From kitchen slob to dining god…in seven days?

I’m tired of burgers. If I see another doner kebab I think I’m going to puke. I need to change. These are the sentiments that are pushing me to change the way I eat. And I’m not talking about a cataclysmic shift into vegetarianism here either, there’ll be no mixed leaf salads in this diet. No, I’m talking about healthy, nutricous food that actually tastes good. That means that I have to learn how to cook, so I’ve got seven days to turn my culinary life around. One week to move from being a complete novice in the kitchen, to knowing my way around a whole cookbook full of dishes. I think I need a drink….


DAY 1: Chicken chow mein with egg noodles

Right then, the first day of this whole venture. Start as you mean to go on and all that nonsense. I even went to the gym today for the first time in what seems like years. But now to the kitchen. This dish is relatively easy to make, even for someone like me. Now you can find the full recipe on our website, but it’s basically one of those dishes where you chuck everything in and hope for the best. It really is that simple. And trust me on this, the result tastes great. The chicken goes really well with the stir-fry mix, creating this crunchy, tangy flavour that just leaves you wanting more. The best part? The recipe can be easily doubled so you can make more than you need, and then freeze some for a later date. I did just that, and this chow mein tastes great as part of a midnight snack. Now you might look at a recipe of chicken chow mein and think it’s just fast food again, but it’s not. If you use the right ingredients and use only a little oil to fry the vegetables it can be a really fast, nutricous meal, and it’s dead easy too! If all the recipes I try this week are this easy, I’ll be a healthier man in no time.

INGREDIENTS:

1 slab of noodles (Blue dragon egg noodles) £1.27 per pack
½ Tsp garlic puree (Morrison’s own)
½ Tsp ginger puree (Morrison’s own)
2 Tsp clear honey
2 large chicken breasts
450g stir-fry vegetables

NOSH rating: 4/5

DAY 2: Pork steaks with healthy chips and veggies

This is a great meal for those days when you want some comfort food that won’t kill you. The healthy chips are easy to make and taste great, and the pork can be spiced up with any number of marinades to make the meal more exciting. I use microwave mixed vegetable bags from the local supermarket, it saves buying fresh every day and it means I always know I’ve got some veggies in the freezer.

To make the chips you just cut up a large jacket potato, and part-boil the slices in some salted water. After draining them, you lay them out on a baking tray and sprinkle them with oil. Put them in a pre-heated oven (200 degrees) for about 45 minutes, or until they turn golden brown. They taste fantastic and are a great alternative to oven chips.

INGREDIENTS:

1 Jacket potato
1 boneless pork loin steak
1 pack birds eye microwave vegetable bags

NOSH rating: 3.5/5

DAY 3: DIY Pizza

I had a bit of time on my hands today, so I decided to make my own pizza from scratch. Several hours later and with most of the kitchen on fire, I’d made a dough worthy of Ramsay himself. This is a great thing to do if you’ve got the time, or you can just buy a ready-made dough. Making your own pizza means you know exactly what’s in it, as well as being able to tailor it to your own taste. Personally I put some chicken, green peppers and sweetcorn on as a topping, after a base made of tomato paste and grated cheddar cheese. The best thing about this dish is that once it’s in the oven it only takes about ten minutes to cook, so you won’t go hungry for long!

Okay, so pizza isn’t the healthiest of foods, but it’s what you put on top of it that matters. People think that buying a ready-made pizza from the supermarket is a lot healthier than ordering a takeaway. While that may be true, making one yourself is the ultimate healthy way to eat pizza, and you get the satisfaction out of maing your own meal as well.

INGREDIENTS:

For the dough:

100g plain white flour
20g margarine
2 eggs

For the topping:

50g grated cheese
2 Tbsp tomato puree
50g cooked chicken breast
½ can sweetcorn
1 chopped green pepper

NOSH rating: 4/5

DAY 4: Chicken and bacon pasta

This is a great meal to make ahead and then freeze for those times when you know you’re going to be in a rush. Today was one of those times. I had fifteen minutes to eat before heading back into the office, so my meal had to be quick. Usually this would mean resorting to one of any number of microwave meals kept in the freezer. This has the advantage of actually tasting nice, and if you keep to the philosophy of “make double, freeze half” you can have this meal for a quick snack, and still freeze a portion for those times when you’re in a rush.

It’s also worth mentioning that you don’t have to stick with chicken and bacon if you fancy something else with your pasta. There are literally hundreds of different combinations you can have, and pasta is such an easy meal to cook it doesn’t take too long to satisfy your hunger cravings. Why not try chorizo and chicken? Or pork and stir-fry vegetables? The choices are endless.

INGREDIENTS:

100g penne pasta
½ can sweetcorn
2 diced chicken breasts
1 jar tomato pasta sauce
4 strips bacon, chopped

NOSH rating: 5/5

DAY 5: Salmon steak with boiled potatoes and vegetables

You might think that a fish dish is something that you need to agonize over for a good few hours whilst cooking. It needn’t be. I got in from work seriously considering breaking this whole healthy eating rule and walking down the road to McDonalds. But no, instead I fried up the fish and again used the microwave veggie bags from the freezer to make up this meal. To bulk it out a bit more I quickly boiled some potatoes to go with it. The salmon was really tasty, and it can be quite cheap if you buy it at the end of the day. Season the salmon with salt and pepper before you cook it for that extra bit of crunch.

Or, if you’re feeling really adventurous, why not coat the salmon in the zest of a grated lemon before putting it into the oven? The juices from the lemon will giver the fish a great flavour, and you can even add some breadcrumbs for the extra crunch as well. Make sure you buy good quality salmon though, when it comes to a meal like this you don’t want to skimp on the portions.

INGREDIENTS:

1 salmon fillet portion
1 jacket potato
1 microwave vegetable bag
salt and pepper for seasoning

NOSH rating: 3/5

DAY 6: Thai Green Curry

Here’s a great meal to cook for that special someone. Hot, spicy, and pretty much guaranteed to end up spilt on the covers in the bedroom. It’s really easy to make, and only uses one pan, so saves on the washing up. Slicing the chicken breasts and all of the ingredients can be a real pain, but trust me the taste of this dish when it’s finished makes it all worthwhile. The spicy flavour of the chilli’s isn’t overpowering, but I’d be careful and only add the amount of chilli’s you’re comfortable with.

INGREDIENTS:

1 tbsp vegetable oil
2 tbsp Thai green curry paste (according to taste)
1 tbsp soft dark brown sugar
1-2 thick stalks lemongrass, fat ends bashed with a rolling pin (optional)
750g/1½lb skinless, boneless chicken, cut into chunks (use breast and/or leg meat)
6-8 kaffir lime leaves, torn into pieces (if unavailable, use the grated zest of 1 lime)
400ml/14fl oz coconut milk
Good shake of Thai fish sauce or light soy sauce
Small handful of coriander, roughly chopped
½-1 lime, juice only

NOSH rating: 5/5

DAY 7: Meal out

Okay, so this was a real challenge. I’d arranged to go out for a meal with friends a few weeks ago, and even this healthy eating rule wasn’t going to stop me heading out to my local Italian with the boys. I quickly discovered there are still ways of eating healthily, even when you know you’re going out. I didn’t have a starter, instead choosing to save myself for the one treat of the week, dessert. I had a homemade lasagne for my main, which was genuinely orgasmic to eat. Seriously no wonder the Italians have such a reputation for passion if they cook like that! I came back from the meal without the usual so-full-you-know-you’re-going-to-be-sick feeling, and actually feeling quite pleased with myself as well.

This week hasn’t been as hard as I expected it to be. Most of the meals included here can be made with the ingredients you’re already going to have around the house. If you cook smart and make as much as possible ahead of time, it’s easier to turn away. This week marks a turning point for me, the lessons I’ve learnt I’ll put into practice, and I’ll be a healthier man in no time. Sure, there might be the occasional night out that ends in a Big Mac. But hey, you can’t be good all of the time.

When I look back at the way I used to eat, constantly reaching for the easiest option to satisfy my hunger, I’m shocked at how often the answer seemed to be fast food. That’s the trouble, it’s fast, and it fills you up for about ten minutes. And then you get hungry again, so you reach for more fast food, and the cycle continues.

This week really has given me a new zest for getting healthy. I’m going to keep going to the gym and cooking healthy food as well. And as I get better at cooking, the easier it’ll be to say no to fast food and takeaways. If I ever see another kebab again, it’ll be too soon.

PHOTO: Simon Li

Q & A: Stefan Gates

What sparked your interest in cooking?

Well, all the girls I fancied at school were in my home economics class, so basically sex. I used to play this game with the girls that had no real rules, but invariably ended in us fondling each other’s arses with floury hands. Home economics was the only place you could get away it, otherwise you’d get sent home from school. School taught me that food and girls go together beautiful.

Brilliant. Would you recommend your technique to the modern day man?

Well, I wouldn’t recommend it for the work place as you might get sacked (laughs) But a guy who can cook gets some great chicks. It’s still a relatively rare thing for blokes to cook, but the fact that you can cook even a bit, does mean that you’re instantly more attractive to girls.

What’s the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten?

The weirdest ingredient I’ve come across was called igunak, it’s basically 12 month old rotten walrus. I ate it when I was up in Alaska filing ‘Cooking in the danger zone’ and the Inuit’s there will hunt two or three walrus at a time then preserve some of it. They wrap it in plastic and bury it, then for the first six months it rots and the next six it freezes, and then when the thaw comes you dig it up and eat it. It was foul but they all seem to love it.

What’s the most masculine thing about cooking?

Well I think it’s playing with science. There are all sorts of crazy stuff you can do with it. I like to take the simple things and then find a way to make it fun. Like in my last book ‘The Extraordinary Cookbook’ I fry an egg on a piece of paper. It’s kind of like scouts, you make a pan using a wire coat hanger, bending it into a square, then you put any piece of paper across it and then a little bit of oil on it, crack an egg on it and as long as you keep the flame underneath parts of the paper with egg on, it’ll cook before the paper burns.

What tips would you have for survival cookery?

Don’t underestimate insects! A lot of things are edible in the forest but you have to make sure they’re cooked properly. In twenty years’ time we’ll all be eating insect burgers, they’re the new meat. We’ll go into McDonalds and the Big Mac will be £100, but the Bug Mac, made of roasted grasshoppers, will be a fiver. Meat will have become so expensive that we won’t be able to sustain the production of it.

What’s a simple yet impressive meal a man could try?

You could have a crab and hammer party. You get all your mates to come with a hammer, usually about one crab between two people. Then you give them some bread and a bit of mayonnaise then you just let them all beat the shit out of a crab to get all the meat out. It’s a great way to turn dinner into a party. Another thing that’s fun is cooking salmon in a dishwasher. You get a whole side of salmon, season it a bit with olive oil and a few hears, wrap it in foil, put it on the top wrack of your dishwasher, turn it up to the highest setting and let it run. Don’t put detergent in mind.

Q & A: Jun Tanaka

What is it that you love about French cuisine over any other?

I think if you spend your career in cooking, you want to get involved in something with real depth. For me it’s the most complex and it has the most history and culture behind it, and I think you need that to keep you interested in what you’re doing.

How stressful is it working in a top professional kitchen?

It’s non stop, but if you want to get into cooking as a career you have to accept that really early on. Running any kitchen when you’re passionate about food, doesn’t matter if it’s a top end restaurant or a gastro pub, you go into cooking because you passionate about produce and being creative.

You have a real passion for fresh produce, why?

It’s to do with seasonal produce; fresh produce is just a generic term. When something’s in season, it’s at the peak of its taste, its appearance and it price. If it’s in season then it’s at that time when you want to get it on to the menu. That’s the flavour you want to capture and put onto the plate. You should choose the best produce, treat it with respect and then try to enhance its natural flavours.

When you create dishes, out of ten ideas you have maybe one will make it onto the menu. You’ll have loads of ideas and in your head it works but in practice it doesn’t. Even from a technical point of view, it just may not fit into the running of a busy service. There are so many elements to think about.

Why have you taken such an active role in encouraging others to start cooking?

Well I’m passionate about teaching and about food, and being able to pass on that knowledge is really satisfying. I think when you’re good at something and you’re really passionate about it, you want to share it with others. I think what I do is simplify things down to a level that people can understand. So many people in various professions who teach people and assume peoples levels of knowledge are greater than what they actually are. I get a lot of satisfaction from seeing people who don’t think they can cook become passionate about cooking.

There’s no quick tip that can magically improve your cooking.. You have to have confidence, you can’t cook without it. I’ve seen it in professional chefs, as soon as their confidence goes, everything goes to pot. It’s like professional footballers, any sports men who lose their confidence, they don’t play as well, and it’s the same for a busy service in a kitchen.

What is one tip you give to anyone you’re teaching?

Half the battle of cooking well is organisation. If you’re cooking for a dinner party, or for your girlfriend, first decide on a menu, read through any recipes your using, understand them, get all the ingredients in front of you and you do everything in stages. You prepare first, be it chopping or peeling, and then when ALL that is done, you can move onto the cooking stage. A common mistake is to prepare only half the ingredients, especially if you’re cooking more than one course. It’s key to keep your focus on one task.

Taste as you cook, so many people only taste after all the ingredients have been added. Every stage that you add a new ingredient you should taste it to see if you’re happy with it. If you taste it along the way you can always correct it as you go.

What meal would you suggest for guys who want to impress a lady?

The most important thing when you’re cooking for your girlfriend is that you don’t want to spend the whole time in the kitchen. You could do something like long roasted duck, really simple, you get a whole duck, cover it in about ¾ of a jar of honey, season it with rock salt and black pepper, put it in the oven for about 1 ½ hours basting it every 20 minutes. You can then serve it simply with fried broccoli, some sesame seeds and then some crushed potatoes.

If there was one person you could cook for who would it be?

That would have to be my girlfriend.

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